holding hands

yesterday was just another day at home with my smallest girl. in the afternoon we took a walk up through our back pasture and then sat awhile up on the hilltop just seeing what we could see. we talked about dogs and horses and flowers and cows. and when we walked down, i held my hand out in her direction as i always do. and she took my hand as she always does. i was aware of how small her hand is in mine and how blessed i am that i get to hold it. i tell her everyday that i am glad i get to spend my days with her. i mean it. sometimes i look ahead to next year when she will go off to school with her brother and sister and i wonder what i will be doing then. i get a little anxious to get whatever that is started. then i remember that i can't get this back. this tiny hand in mine walking through the field and talking about everything. i love this part of my life and i am sad just thinking of it ending. i sincerly hope that when i do go out into the world and figure out who i am out there, that i don't forget this part of me that wants to be everything for my kids. i hope that selfish ambition doesn't get the best of me. i want them to have the best of me. i want to hold their hands forever.