loving my kids

for a really long time I thought that I loved my kids more than anyone else loved theirs....yes, I know how stupid that seems. But I really did think that. Then I started reading the thoughts and hearts of other moms in the blog world and realized how untrue that is. It seems like every mom feels the same way. They write about all the little details of their beloved children and take meticulous care to document the journey almost daily. So gradually, the more I read about the love of other mothers, the more I start to doubt my superior parenting talent of adoring my children. I don't journal their stories, I don't scrapbook, I don't even get 5 minutes alone with each one everyday. I start doubting how well I do the job I have felt called to do for the last 11 years, and think, "I am not meeting the job requirements here." I stay home with my kids because I don't want anyone else to get all their little moments. I am here because I want them to always know that I AM HERE. I want them to have a stable base, a place where their roots are, I want them to have that in ME. But I am falling short. Then today, while reading a lovely blog about a moms love for her special needs child I start thinking, does she love hers more because she has a special need? Do I take mine for granted because they don't? Do mothers who have lost a child love their remaining children more than I love mine because of their new perspective? Then I realized it was time to stop analyzing. I realized that I do not need to compare myself to other mothers or judge my level of love an devotion based on the levels of others. I am called to love my children. I am called to show them unconditional love and to teach them to love others. I need to love them like God loves me. I fall even further behind here. I do love them unconditionally. I can easily say that I would lay down my life for theirs with not a seconds hesitation. But sometimes I am not gentle and sometimes I keep a record of wrongs. I don't quite love like the Father loves. I don't have to make beautiful memory books of my children to prove my love, I don't have to write out in detail the wonder of who they are. I only have to love them like I've been taught.
(but, i have to admit, i am coveting those memory books.....)